Memorial Day Weekend

Okay, this time summer has actually come to San Francisco! It's been dreary, rainy, and in the 50s for weeks, but Saturday morning I woke up early for my last "long" run of the season - and saw sunshine outside my window! Six miles at 8am in a skirt and short sleeve shirt was actually on the uncomfortably warm side - but oh so gorgeous. Incidentally, this run took place at beautiful Crissy Field with a phenomenal view of the Golden Gate Bridge. This is the same location that my very first ever TNT run was held - when I ran a whopping 2 miles! That was last July.

I may be hurt and struggling a bit to run now, but I still can't believe how far I've come in less than 1 year. Next weekend I will be running my 4th half marathon! It won't be a PR, but someday when I'm not hurt, I'll get back down below the 2:05 mark. And although it won't be my 1st full, someday when I'm not hurt, I'll probably accomplish that too.

Perhaps you are tired of me blathering on and on about TNT, but I'm so glad I answered a piece of direct mail for once in my life and took myself to an information meeting last July. I have truly enjoyed being part of the TNT experience, and sitting at a picnic table in the sunshine with many of my teammates yesterday morning reminded me why I will come back. The people are fabulous, the locations are beautiful, the exercise is much-needed - and fun! -and of course we are out there for a fabulous cause - all the people that are helped by the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society.

I may take a season of running off to help my body heal, but as I mentioned before, Matt and I plan to Raise a Sail for a Cure. We went out on a 2 hour intro sail this morning and loved it. (No pictures sadly, because we took a one-time use waterproof camera we had lying around the house instead of risking dropping the new one in the drink.) Of course the weather will likely never be this nice again, but we can hope! We'll be spending our summer learning how to raise the sails, tie knots, tack, jibe, and fall off (apparently a term for some directional activity, not a literal interpretation), and will eventually be competing in the Leukemia Cup Regatta in October.

Meanwhile, I'm also making other plans for the fall - a sprint distance triathlon with TNT buddies and hopefully a half marathon with some grad school friends! Now I just have to figure out how to get all this training in...

In the meantime, we're going to continue enjoying this amazingly beautiful holiday weekend. After a day of sailing and disc golf at an aquatic park, we may stick to the water with kayaking or a trip to Angel Island. As long as I haven't jinxed anything.

Yellowknife - Steve Zipp

Imagine my surprise and delight when, out of the blue, I received an e-mail from Steve Zipp earlier this month, asking if I would like a copy of his book, Yellowknife.

And imagine my even greater delight (though not so much surprise) when I read the book and loved it!

I must confess that initially, I was a bit nervous to review a book sent to me by an author, but after reading his comments on another blog review, I was reassured that an honest opinion would be OK.

This book was also shortlisted for the National Post "Canada Also Reads" in March of this year - you can read that review here.

It seemed to be a very-much character driven, rather than a plot driven book, and oh the characters! From a drifter who develops a taste for dogfood; to a mosquito researcher who falls through the ice in the dead of winter; to a wildlife biologist who becomes catatonic in the basement of her office building after breaking up with her fiance; to a woman who spent her childhood walking and hitchhiking across Canada with her mother to return north; to a group of fish hijackers. There isn't any one main plot-line, but rather a half-dozen or so plots that all tied together in the end.

What I enjoyed most about this book was the humour, most of it bordering on the absurd. A secret underground society; an underground caribou herd; the above-mentioned fish hijackers; Ol' Slavey, the monster of Great Slave Lake; a mosquito research institute with a researcher on the hunt for white mosquitoes that are active in the winter (only in Canada!). Many parts were laugh-out-loud funny, including this, one of my favourite examples, which I shared with my sister as I was reading it:

"His name was Hugo Poisson, and he worked for the Mosquito Research Institute. Most of his summer was spent in the field marking mosquitoes with dots of paint so he could chart their ever-changing flyways. They migrated in the same fashion as caribou, forming hoards instead of herds, and the information he gathered was considered so vital to tourism that it was incorporated every year in the Explorer's Map."

The only plot line that I was disappointed in was that of Nora, one of the wildlife biologists. She was initially my favourite character; strong, intelligent, and funny. Her story took a twist when she broke up with her fiance and he disappeared, and she gradually became catatonic not leaving her basement office in one of the government buildings, even when her office was moved into a cave. But then, lickity-split, she finds out that she is pregnant, snaps out of it, becomes boring and marries a boring guy, then moves to Ottawa a third of the way through the book, and is never heard from again. I kept hoping that she would pop up again, but no such luck.

But that was only a minor detraction from my overall enjoyment of the book. I know that the characters are going to stay with me for a long time; and between my reading of this, as well as Late Nights on Air a few years ago, I really must visit Yellowknife at some point to see how accurate the portrayals are! I am intrigued...

Steve - if you are reading this, thank you for sharing your book with me. I hope that you will write more books, and I look forward to reading them!

Fabulous & Charitable Opportunity

BookEnds will be closed today through Monday in observance of the Memorial Day weekend.

Our plan is to spend time soaking up the sun while drinking margaritas and reading books that thrill us. In between cocktails, however, we’ll be keeping an eye on Brenda Novak’s Auction for Diabetes Research and strongly suggest you do too.

For those of you not familiar with Brenda’s work, each year Brenda holds an auction and brings in thousands of dollars for a great cause. Kim and I have each donated a proposal critique (mine includes either a meeting or phone consultation). There are also signed books, vacations, computers, and hundreds of other fun items. The auction ends May 31, so get out there and bid.

Have a great and safe holiday and enjoy the unofficial start of summer, and we'll be back Tuesday.

Jessica

Ready, Willing and Able -- well, sort of, anyway

So I have a rare, long, lovely weekend in front of me. And I plan to fill it with a long-overdue date.

With a paint brush.

Sometime in the early fall, I decided that I should tackle my ugly kitchen cabinets and fix them up. They were plain flat doors, and I wanted to make them look Shaker style. The Sister, ever the creative one, suggested that I use screen door molding (big, wide, thin molding) and attach it to the doors and drawers.

It was quite a process for The Husband and me. But I got over my fear of pneumatic stapler/nailers and we conquered it. I felt oh-so-empowered.

You have to understand: I'm so not a DIYer. The Sister will call me up and say, "Turn on your TV! Weekend Warriors is on!" I flip on the tube to see two supposedly sane individuals ripping out their bathroom on a Friday afternoon -- knowing that they've got to show up for work in a reasonably hygenic state on a Monday morning.

While The Husband and I did complete the mechanics of the renovation, we didn't do the cosmetic stuff -- the painting. I bought the paint, but then it turned into the rainiest, coldest winter in Georgia history, and we kept waiting.

Presently, it happened. I forgot all about those lonely cans of paint. (See what happens when you don't OHIO?)

But now, the weather is warm, I have a Monday off, and I'm breaking out the paint.

The excitement I feel now is strangely akin to opening up my Word document list of story ideas that I keep. I have no problem coming up with stories -- it's just the getting 'round to it that causes me grief.

But like my paint cans, each story idea waits patiently for its turn. Once I write them down, they no longer hiss, "Psst! Over here! I'm a much better story than the one you're working on!"

I know other writers who juggle more than one WIP at a time. I can't. It drives me almost to the brink when I have to do revisions on one book in the middle of writing a contracted MS. I manage it, but not without a lot of sputtering.

So how do you manage to resist the siren call of the Next Big Story Idea? And what will you spend Memorial Day Weekend doing?

The Sweetness at the Bottom of the Pie - Alan Bradley

This book has been so hyped up that I must confess that I approached it with some reluctance, worried that it could not live up to the hype.

Fortunately, I did enjoy it.

It is a not-so-traditional murder mystery, set in England in 1950, with an precocious 11-year-old girl, Flavia de Luce as the detective. Flavia is the youngest of three sisters (Ophelia and Daphne are the older sisters - I'd love to meet the parent who could give daughters such names!) and she accidently discovers a dead body in the cucumber patch one morning. What follows are multiple bicycle trips to the local library, a boys school, the local jail, and a local inn, as Flavia tries to sort out events from 30 years ago and reconcile them with what has happened in the cucumber patch.

I found the book well-paced and easy to read. What I enjoyed the most was reading about the antagonistic relationship between the sisters - having two sisters myself, I could definitely relate to some of what went on between them! And I've now loaned my copy to one of my sisters in the hopes that she enjoys it as much as I did.

And like The Golden Mean, it is set in a beautiful typeface, but unlike The Golden Mean, the story stood out above the font!

Now the book wasn't perfect - there are a few errors that better editing could have weeded out (these were particularly noticeable early in the book before I had decided that I liked it!); and despite all that has been said and written about Flavia, and despite the fact that I quite enjoyed reading about her, I did not find her believable as an 11-year-old girl.

There is another book featuring Flavia, and while I probably won't spend the money to buy the hardcover, I probably will either seek it out from the library or wait until it is out in paperback to read it.

Query Recap

Back by popular demand, another look into my query inbox . . .

In one day I received 61 emails that were either labeled “query” or “submission,” which automatically relegates them to my query inbox. Note, by labeling your query this way (as per our website) you almost eliminate any possibility of it getting lost in spam. I have set all guidelines on my server and my email program to push those through.

2 of those emails were thank-you emails for previous rejections.

1 email included a partial I had previously requested.

18 emails were for nonfiction, the rest were fiction queries.

Of the 55 queries, I rejected 54. Which means I requested the partial for one book. It was fiction.

1 query was rejected without being read because it was sent in an attachment rather than in the body of the email. Later in the day, the author re-sent the material in the body of the email (I had sent an email response explaining our guidelines). As per our website, I will not open unrequested attachments (query letters). I do, however, insist that all requested material come as an attachment. This allows me to transfer it to my Kindle for reading.

1 email did not contain a query letter, only a synopsis. It was rejected.

1 pitch stated facts about our agency incorrectly. The author said that she was querying because she knew we focused primarily on YA. Not true. This happens frequently and I don’t really care, just find it interesting. If you’re going to make a statement about an agency please make sure you have your facts straight. I imagine that during the query process it’s easy to get agents confused.

3 queries sounded very, very familiar. I suspect the author was either resending in the hopes I would reconsider or had not kept very good records and forgot she had sent before.

And last, it took me two days to get through all of these queries. I sat to review them in three different sittings. Each sitting lasted anywhere from 30 minutes to one hour.


Jessica

Who ARE those readers of yours, anyway?

The Kiddo allowed earlier this week how she wanted to write a book.

"Mommy," she asked from the back seat of the car, "can you write a book and not have it be, like, you know, your books, and have it just go to people you want it to go to?"

"Sure," I said. I thought about my veritable collection of trunk novels. I surely didn't want anybody but a highly select audience to see those! "I have lots of books like that on my computer. Or do you mean with a cover?"

The Kiddo seemed to consider this. "It doesn't matter. But can I type it?"

I had another question. "Why don't you want everyone to see your book?"

She shrugged her shoulders. "Because. You know. I just want FAMILY to read it. Not everybody. Can I do a book like that? And can I type it? On your computer?"

I'll keep you posted on how the WORST DAY IN SIXTH GRADE develops. I'm delighted to say that she has already plotted out the chapter titles and is now figuring out what is going on in each chapter. I have a plotter!

But she's done something else equally important, something I didn't think about until, well, I guess my second serious attempt at this novel writing business.

The Kiddo has thought about who her readers will be. Not just thought about it, but she's picked them out already.

That's powerful proactivism there, folks.

Who exactly will read your books? No, I'm not talking about the agents you query. I'm not talking about the editors you hope will one day see it. That's important, sure, but it's not THE question. The real question is, who will be standing in the bookstore, at the cash register, with your book in hand?

Think about them. Get to know them as well as you know your characters. Are they men? Are they women? Do they like funny jokes? Are they secret foodies? Do they love fashion? Or are they more comfy in jeans and a T-shirt? What (eyebrows waggling here) will they let you get away with? What (very serious here) would be the equivalent of a broken promise?

I'm not talking about writing to a market. I'm talking about finding like-minded people and announcing, "My books may not please everybody, but these folks? Well, it will knock the socks off these folks." Then get to know your new friends. If they like what you like, you may like something else they like. And it may just be something you'd like to write about and they'd like to read.

My CP Tawna Fenske has done this without, I don't think, really realizing how good she is at it. She's married her quirky voice with her blog. If you don't like her blog, you won't like her books. But if you like her blog? Well, her books are gonna knock your socks off.

My books? If you don't like slice-of-life stories that are a roller-coaster of emotions, if you've never laughed because you don't want to cry, then you probably wouldn't be interested in my books.

And you know what? That's okay. I wish you did. But it would be a mighty boring world -- and library and bookstore -- if we all liked the same book.

LOL

Life is too short not to laugh, and luckily for us we’re able to find something to laugh about almost daily. Here are a few to share with you . . .

After 6 years at BookEnds, Kim still forgets where she works. In an auto-reply on queries (that went out to about 100+ people before it was caught) she stated, “Thanks so much for contacting Berkley with your query . . .” Keep in mind I was the one who caught it when I got the auto-reply. Laughed so hard I cried.

"Contemporary non-fiction novel"—nothing is right about this phrase.

In reply to a recent rejection I was told that “mere words can’t do justice to the story.” Seems to me that if words can’t do it justice it might not be right for a book.

Like many agents I have a fairly standard rejection reply to queries. That being said, if I do see that there’s something the author can improve on I will attempt to alter my wording to let her know. In a recent rejection I suggested the author’s query was not as strong as it could be and that she might consider looking at a few places (I suggested which ones) to learn how to write a stronger query. I was told, “That's one of the most creatively worthless query replies I've seen.” So much for giving actual advice.

Queries have been pouring in at a rate of 50+ a day, and since Kim isn’t accepting any at this time I have no doubt that some people are submitting to me instead (even if it’s something Kim represents, but I don’t). Recently I got a query that was submitted to me only, “since Kim isn’t accepting queries at this time.” Really not the way to warm my little agent heart.


Jessica

OHIO, not just the Buckeye State

Apparently my bid to make writers forget all about that mythical critter Balance hasn't quite achieved world domination like I'd hoped.

So here is how I endeavor to show how to do more, not all, but more. Note that I don't advise doing that. The best way is to either win a lottery ticket (my religion frowns on entering) or finding oil under the petunias.

Until one or the other of those miracles happen, I have to remind myself the following strategies to keep things, as Lydia Kang might put it, WNL, or Within Normal Limits.

I did not invent these strategies. I hunted them down and corralled them, then tested them in a regimen that would have put Consumer Reports to shame. The losers I tossed. The winners? They are here for you. They will give you a (reasonable) facsimile of an orderly homelife.

OHIO (Only Handle Item Once): This lovely jewel of an idea came from Rita Emmett and her book PROCRASTINATOR'S HANDBOOK. You know that sock/dirty-dish/book/thingamabob in your hand? Don't let it go until you put it where it belongs. Same thing applies with issues. Handle it and banish it.

Empty the Dishwasher at Night: In this way, you can OHIO all your dirty dishes as you dirty them throughout the day. Kitchen looks clean. The Husband is hopeful that it will produce nourishing food later.

31-Meal-Salute: This will make you tear out your hair, but it's worth it. Brainstorm 31 complete menus and mix them up so you don't have chicken four nights running. Program Outlook (or some desktop calendar) to make each repeat on the first Monday, the second Monday, and so forth. Print it out. Stick it on the fridge. There. No more answering the question, "What's for supper?" Brownie points for making a weekly pre-printed grocery list ahead so that you're just taking inventory and getting the things you don't have.

Have A Responsibilities Schedule: In this I have completely fallen off the wagon, but I'm about to go back to it. On certain days, do certain chores. It is amazing how much quicker it is to vac or mop when you're only taking off one week's layer of grime, and more frequent laundering means, oh, joy, smaller loads to fold and put away. Don't forget -- put writing on that list!

For Writers/Bloggers: Use Blogger's schedule feature and write several blog posts ahead. I swear, it doesn't take as long to write three posts back-to-back as it does to sit down three separate times.

Enlist Help: No, The Fam may not be a fan of everything that you're trying to do. But those kids you're raising? They need to learn how to wash clothes and take off the trash and cook a meal without burning the house down. If they can re-program your cell phone in 30 seconds, they can learn to do basic housekeeping. Your future in-laws will thank you.

Time for a New Agent

I’m a bestselling author with a very successful track record. I’ve enjoyed working with my current agent, and obviously we’ve been successful together, but find that we’re growing in different directions. When looking for a new agent, do I need to query traditionally by sending equeries and following agents’ guidelines, or can I simply call the agents I’m interested in and see if they’re interested in me?

While you probably could make phone calls, I do think your best course of action is to start the query process again. Of course, you’ll need to dissolve the relationship with your current agent first. I know that I feel strongly that before considering a new client I need to make sure I’m not poaching on someone else’s territory. I want to make sure all of you obligations (i.e., agent agreements) are wrapped up.

Agents have made it quite clear they do not like phone calls for queries, and I think that’s no different for published or unpublished authors. There are a lot of people out there seeking representation, some with experience and others without. If we spent all of our time fielding those kinds of calls we’d have no time for anything else. On top of that, agents work odd hours, and trying to catch one can be tricky. Just ask our clients.

I also think sending out queries will get you a faster response time. I would strongly suggest you note in your subject line that you are a bestselling author seeking new representation. This will make you stand out. If your name is recognizable, put that in the subject as well. The one advantage here is that you’ll probably have to worry less about how perfect your query is.

Are you seeking representation for a new project, or do you have a project in mind? I find that it’s a lot easier for me to seriously consider a new client if we’re going into a new project together. I also think it’s a better situation for you. Unless you’re looking for someone to simply take up on the same types of projects you’ve been working on, or the same series you’ve been writing, it’s going to be hard to know if this new agent is right for you unless you know if she’s enthusiastic about your next project. Therefore, pitch the new project. I like that better than someone who simply tells me that I’ll want her because of her previous successes. That’s not fair to you or me. Sure I will, but will I be the right agent for your future successes?

I also believe that a more traditional query process can help you. What if the agent from your first phone call offers? It’s going to make it harder for you to connect with other agents since you haven’t contacted them. Sending out five to ten queries to agents you are interested in puts you in the driver’s seat, allowing you to interview and really talk to all potential agents and choose the one that’s really right for you, hopefully the one you’ll be able to stick with for quite some time. I would also suggest that, for example, if three agents respond (and make offers), but you still haven’t heard from the one or two you’re really hoping for, follow up with those and let them know you have an offer (phone is okay for this). They simply might not have gotten to your query as quickly.

I suspect you’ll have no trouble getting the interest and attention of agents. The key is getting the interest and attention of the agents who really envision your future in the same way you do.

Jessica

Sometimes ya gotta get quackin'

We mowed the grass at my mom's this weekend, a bittersweet chore. The Sister and I lost our mom just before Thanksgiving, and the pain is still so deep that I can't breathe at times. And I swear, our pastor and God have this deal going, because every one of the invitation hymns at church are Mama's favorites.

As The Husband unleashed his big zero-radius lawn mower on the grass, and The Sister weed-eated, The Kiddo and I picked up pine cones. I thought about all the times I'd played in that big front yard, all the stories I made up -- multi-character plays with me cast in all the roles. I thought about all the pets that had tramped across Mama's prized centipede grass. I thought about Quack and Amos.

Quack and Amos were a pair of ducklings that Mama and I bought at a feed supply store after she'd let me buy, on the same day, a book about a duck called Amos. We lived out in the country, so the ducklings wandered loose and grew up to be snow-white -- I was rather disappointed that they changed from cute little fluff-balls to sleek white ducks.

We had other pets, too, including a poodle called Puff. Puff nearly drove Mama to distraction by chasing the ducks. Mama worried that one day she wouldn't be around when Puff finally latched onto either Quack or Amos. I don't know that she hedged her bets by looking up duck soup recipes, but I do know that Puff got lots of scoldings.

And then one day, Mama and I heard this awful noise. Some critter was in terrible pain, and it sounded a lot like a muffled duck's quack.

"Quick!" Mama told me, "run around that end of the house, and I'll go this way! Puff's got a duck!"

So off I went, as ordered. I wound up on the wide green expanse of Mama's Centipede, with Mama coming around the corner -- and in between, in a classic run-down formation, were Puff and Quack.

Only ...

It was Quack that had Puff by the ear. Quack was two-stepping it along beside the trotting Puff, who was yelping with all her might. She couldn't run fast, because Quack had a firm hold on the tender poodle ear. The quacking noise? That was Quack, giving Puff the what-for.

Mama and I doubled-over with laughter. We stood and watched, and Mama did absolutely nothing to save Puff. Finally, Quack must have tired of the game, and Puff ran off.

She never chased another duck as long as she lived. In fact, Puff later on adopted some baby chicks.

So what's the takeaway for writers? Sometimes you have to face your worse fears. Waddle right up to that fierce poodle and grab on to any part you can get -- but be smart about it. Hang tight, even amid the yelping and squawking. And your problem may just flee for safety.

Using Your Galleys

This is going to be one of those posts in which I strongly suggest you read the comments section simply because while I have ideas, I have a feeling my readers will have even more helpful ideas.

One of the questions I frequently get from debut authors is what should they do with their galleys (ARCs, advance review copies, etc.). If you get ten (for example), where can you send them that the publisher isn’t? Not only do I think this is a valuable question, but I think it’s important. We all know that authors need to get out there and do publicity, but what can you do to get the most bang for your mailing buck?

• Send an autographed galley with a small marketing item like bookmarks to independent bookstores you know support your genre or have supported you, as the author, in the past.
• Send a galley to your alumni newsletter or magazine. They might do a review or use it as a reminder to write a feature about you.
• Hand-deliver a galley with marketing material to local bookstores. Introducing yourself and making friends with booksellers is key to getting your name out there.
• Send a few to reviewers, bloggers, or readers who have always been big supporters and are great at word of mouth. Think of them as thank-you galleys.
• Deliver a galley to your local newspaper (no matter how small).
• Send a galley to bloggers that don’t specialize in books, but instead specialize in a subject that relates to your book (knitters for a book about knitting, Adirondack tourism for a book set in the Adirondacks, or cupcake fans for a book set in a cupcake bakery).

Your publisher will likely send galleys to any reviewers or bloggers (especially book-related) that you ask them to, which is why I suggest you use the galleys to make a personal connection. Hand-deliver them and make sure they’re always autographed.

Jessica

Serendipity in the form of a Weird Guy Text

I "sermonized" about how to be a kitten among chicks on Friday, but a life lesson on Saturday really rammed that point home.

I was getting ready for the grocery-run-lunch-with-The-Sister-safari-for-The-Kiddo's-swimsuit on Saturday morning. The Kiddo asked me if it were all right to call The Sister to inquire about hot tub privileges. I said sure.

A moment or so later, The Kiddo came wandering in, my cell phone in hand. "Mommy, some weirdo guy wants you to be his girlfriend," she said, giggling.

That yanked me away from the process of making me presentable for public viewing. "What?!" I asked.

"Yeah, he texted you."

And then she began to read.

Hi! Im a guy randomly txtn numbers lookn 4 a kewl gurl. I Got ur number randomly so we prolly dnt kno each other. If ur a gurl thats interestd txt me bk with ur age and name. If nt im sori 4 bothern u. Thanx

OK, that was disturbing on so many levels. Was the guy a pedophile, looking to snare young, innocent girls? Was he a weirdo scam artist that made a hundred bucks a text when you replied? Or was he just some socially inept guy who actually thought randomly texting girls was the way to get him a girlfriend?

I couldn't help but think of the really weird phone calls and queries that agents and editors get. I'll bet they have similar reactions to the one I had. And I'll bet every one of those queriers thought the letter or phone call was perfectly within the bounds.

The old saying is true: you never get a second chance to make a first impression. So whether it's an agent or an editor, really think, "How could this query/phone call/showing up and throwing pebbles at their office window be perceived?"

I haven't yet decided what to do about the Weirdo Text Guy. The Kiddo wanted me to send him back a text that said unequivocally, "I cant be ur kewl gurl b/c u cant spell and Im married."

Me? I'm still thinking that if I replied, I'd get a bill for a hundred bucks for the privilege of telling Weirdo Text Guy to get lost.

Writer Beware

I had a very interesting week, or should I say a very interesting experience.

Earlier this week an author got in touch to ask if I'd ever heard of an agent named, we'll say Agent Tangerine, cousin to Agent Orange. He was emailing because Agent Tangerine had gotten in touch with him and claimed to be with BookEnds. Well clever Author knew enough to do his research and since he'd never seen Agent Tangerine's name on our website, or anywhere else in our listings, he was checking to see if this was something he missed or if, possibly, this was a scam using the BookEnds name.

Having never heard of Agent Tangerine I was of course alarmed and asked Author to forward any information he had since she was claiming to work at BookEnds.

Author went one step further and got in touch with Agent Tangerine again to hear her side of the story. According to Agent Tangerine, she had opened an “agency business” she was calling “Book Ends.” She stressed that her agency was not to be confused with BookEnds. She did however, go on to say that she had worked with BookEnds for several years. She also claimed to have worked with the Bent Agency.

Wow. Not only was this upsetting, it was just plain creepy. None of what Agent Tangerine was saying was true. I had never heard of Agent Tangerine, she has never worked for BookEnds in any capacity, and we were definitely not in any legal battle over a website as she had claimed.

So I immediately forwarded our full email trail to both Jenny Bent and Victoria Strauss at Writers Beware to let them know about this. Certainly I was concerned about the reputation of BookEnds, but I was even more concerned that other authors were being taken advantage of.

About an hour later Author emailed again. It was a hoax. A big, fat hoax. Apparently someone Author knew was playing a "joke" on him, not realizing the lengths wise Author would go to to avoid being scammed.

So I thought about it. Should I feel like a fool? Who should I trust? Have I made a fool of myself by alarming another agent as well as Writers Beware?

There are a lot of fabulous agents in this world, there are also the few who will use any opportunity to scam unwilling authors. I cannot feel like a fool for alerting others (I also immediately let them know it was a false alarm). If this was really happening it needed to be stopped quickly.

As for the Author who originally emailed, I believe him. I believe that he was scammed and I feel bad for him. Authors work hard to learn the business and act professionally and this "joke" was just plain mean.

I refuse to feel like a fool about this and I hope Author does too. I commend Author for not jumping at a chance to have an agent, any agent, but for doing due diligence first. If this had been a scam agent he would have saved himself a lot of time and money by doing the research all authors should be doing.

Jessica

How to be a kitten among chicks

I don't know if there's really anything I can say about The Great Agent Hunt that hasn't already been said, a jillion times over, and by wittier folks than me.

But as I looked at this cute pix, it made me think of the tweets I've seen recently by folks like Rachelle Gardner and Janet Reid and Marlene Stringer and Nathan Bransford and Laura Bradford and, oh, gracious, so many more. Periodically, they will tweet something that seems so obvious to me, like how someone queried them with Dear Sir when they are obviously a girl person or the querier will take six months to get the requested manuscript to the agent.

I flippantly replied back to one of them, saying, "Well, that's an easy automatic rejection." Some other author said as well that it made her queries letters look good in comparison.

And that's where the kitty and the chicks come into play. If you follow the rules (oh, yeah, you rebel you, we know how you feel about rules), your query is going to look as different as the cute kitty is in comparison to the chicks.

Say what you will, with as many queries flying at agents these days, there has to be some triage.

Most likely the folks who will read this post aren't doing any of these nitwit errors, but I was green once, oh, so horribly green, and it was Miss Snark who taught me the ins and out of the querying business on her infamous and now dark blog. I shall endeavor to pay it forward.

Be professional: If you were applying for a job, would you apply without knowing who your cover letter was supposed to be addressed to? Would you cold-call companies and ask the first person who answered, "You hiring? Cuz I'm a great worker, and you're gonna be missing out big time if you --"

No, I didn't think so. You'd take great pains to fill out the forms just like they wanted, to write the letter ever so carefully, to make sure there were no typos. You'd ask around and see WHEN they took applications -- is it every day, or just the fourth Monday of every month, and only from 3 to 5?

So query just like that.

Be patient: It was Miss Snark who warned us would-be nitwits to send off our partials and circle a date three months hence on a calendar and not worry our little heads (or most definitely the agent) until the date circled in red approached and then passed.

But patience applies to many other things as well. Writers are like the rest of population: We want it yesterday. And so we'll go off on little rabbit trails that look promising, but aren't. Hold fast. Don't give in to LuLu or any of those other "see your book in print TODAY" deals. You're worth the wait. You are SO worth the wait.

Research: This is of paramount importance, and it ties in with patience. Research agents. Research your genre. Research how to write query letters. Research how to write.

Don't fixate on one dream agent. That's like staring at a picture of Brad Pitt or George Clooney and saying, "That's the only man for me." You're blinding your eyes to the terrific under-the-radar agent who might just be your soul-mate agent.

Now go on. Be that cat among the chicks and let those agents hear you ... er ... yowl.

Isn't Short Fiction Worth Its Weight in Gold

I just completed my book which is 33,000 words in length. An enticing romance suspense which leaves the reader with a thrilling ending. Typically, I'd agree that longer novels have punch, I think this story is worth its weight in gold. Would your agency review something like this?

No, we wouldn’t, and I suspect you’ll have a really difficult time finding any agency who would. 33,000 words is a novella, it’s not a novel, and from a financial perspective it’s typically not worth a publisher’s time to spend the money to publish a book that’s only 33,000 words. It’s a book they would only be able to price at about $3 or $4 (in paper), and I don’t think it would be a cost-effective move for anyone.

More important, though, I’d be curious what romantic suspense readers think. Do you think 33,000 words might pack the punch you’re looking for, or would you be instantly suspicious that this book is about one-third the length of what you normally read?

Jessica

OK, so I need a confidence boost

I am by nature a fairly optimistic creature. People don't believe that because I am also by nature a hole-puncher, and all they see is how I poke holes in their wonderful plans.

But in all actuality, my hole punching is a true sign of optimism. I mean, really, the guy who invented the parachute? He was supremely confident in the plane's ability to get off the ground in the first place. That, my friends, takes optimism. He saw a problem, solved it, and moved on. He didn't say, "Hey, flying's dangerous and you shouldn't do it."

My approach to life drives The Husband insane. This isn't a unique reaction, as it also drives The Sister insane and The Co-Workers insane and, well, just about everybody. Except me. In the end, people do grudgingly say, "Well, hey, you were right, and that made all the difference."

I believe, truly, to the depth of my soul, that any problem has a solution. And when my confidence falters, I chant my mantra: I graduated Magna Cum Laude, and I can fold a fitted sheet. I can do anything."

That fitted sheet business is something to be rightly proud of, if I do say so myself. It took me years to figure it out. I kept trying and failing. Finally, I hit upon the solution: I would carefully unpack a new, still-in-the-pack fitted sheet, and see how the factory did it.

It was amazingly, head-bangingly simple. Some years ago, people asked me my method, and I took some pix. I'm sharing my system below. You can tell from the loud, cyanotic cabbage roses that these pix are very old. I can assure you: my bedroom comforter looks far different now -- and, er, the room is messier.















So what is it that powers you through bleak moments? Am I completely alone in relying on pathetic little triumphs to serve as a means to say, "Oh, yeah, I can SO take that mountain!"

Know Your Competition

How do you/other agents feel about having a book you represent listed in an author's book proposal competition section? It makes sense that an author might reference a book you represent -- and that if the book is similar, it would make sense to list it as competition. But then...

*** Please note that this is going to appeal primarily to nonfiction writers of self-help nonfiction. Rarely do I think fiction or narrative nonfiction needs a competition section.

Ultimately the goal of competition is to show what’s out there. I think deleting something simply because it’s represented by the agent (or publisher) you’re pitching could do more harm than good. It gives the impression you don’t really know the market. The point of the competition section isn’t necessarily to show that there isn’t any competition, but to show that you know what the competition is and how your book is different and stands out from other titles. For this very reason you don’t want to bad-mouth the titles, but instead use them as a standard to make yours stand out even more.

And last, in case you’ve missed it, to better understand this question and what goes into a nonfiction book proposal, see my previous post on the subject.

Jessica

Is there a Rosetta lesson for Cat?

Part of me doesn’t even want to mention this, for fear it might jinx something. But BW came home this weekend.

BW is a Sylvester-colored tom-kitty, dapper looking in black with a white chest and white feet. He’s always been a people-kitty, and desperately wanted to be a HIT (Housecat in Training) ever since, as the teensiest kitten, he figured out there was a world beyond the patio door.

He’d slip in, giving new meaning to “silent as cat feet,” and hide away under the dining room table. BW was so quiet and discreet, he was positively invisible.

Pretty soon, we let him have full HIT privileges. He stayed in more than out, lounging around the house, falling in love with our fridge. It was the weirdest thing to see a cat curled up next to our side-by-side, occasionally reaching out a paw and touching the cool metal of the door.

And then one day about a week ago he didn’t come back in. I didn’t worry too much, because tom kitties will roam, and I figured that The Husband had let him in and out without me knowing it.

But when The Husband asked me if I’d seen BW around, I had to admit that I hadn’t. My concern grew and grew as the little fellow didn’t return. The Husband and I would have whispered conversations about it at night, because we didn’t want to upset The Kiddo.

Sunday night, as a storm blew in, I heard this awful yowling. At first I thought it was The Kiddo and The Husband, pretending to be a cat in some weird game called “Let’s-Annoy-Mommy.”

After The Kiddo swore that it was not her, and after I realized the yowling was still carrying on while she was talking (pretty persuasive evidence, there), I opened the front door.

There on the front porch, skinny as a six-o’clock, was BW. He dashed in the house like a pack of Dobermans was after him. He proceeded to eat three bowlfuls of cat food and lap up a small ocean of water.

And then he started yowling again.

I thought maybe he wanted more food. Or more water. Or to go out.

But no. He just wanted to yowl.

Once I decided that he wasn’t sick and he wasn’t hurt and he wasn’t twining his hind legs together in anticipation of a long wait to go outside, I figured it out.

He was telling me all about the privations of being apart from us for a week.

And he told us, all right. Yowl, yowl, yowl, YOWL.

Eventually, after we “listened” to his story, he got settled down, curled up by the fridge, and reached out to touch a paw against the cool metal.

Boy, I sure wish I knew how to speak Cat. The stories BW told me that night – stories that I completely missed.

Summer has Come

And in San Francisco that means clouds and cold! Alas...

Despite the chill in the air, this past weekend was a weekend of firsts.

On Saturday, I ran farther than 13.1 miles for the first time ever! In fact, I ran somewhere between 18 and 19 miles. I should actually say "ran" because I instituted a run-walk program for the first time ever. As a result of my many setbacks this season, mostly including an out-of-alignment pelvis (fun!), I figured I needed to take it easy if I was going to get that far. So I decided to walk 1 minute each mile. In between running with other people and missing mile markers though, I probably only walked 1 minute for about half of the miles I ran. I really did feel like it made a difference though - after all I finished and didn't feel drained! However, I did notice that my mental capacities had been diminishing slightly and my stomach felt a bit unhappy. I have already decided that running so far is not fun for me, and after a full marathon on June 6th (likely involving extended walking), I plan to return happily to the land of 13.1. I run past beautiful scenery, often following the bay or the ocean here, but I don't appreciate much after I hit the double digits.

On Sunday, Matt and I participated in Bay to Breakers. For you out-of-towners, this is a crazy spectacle - a 12k road race featuring both elite runners (a world record was set this year!) and tens of thousands of drunken (and in various stages of nudity) partiers. At 8 am. On a Sunday. After some Muni-related setbacks, Matt and I ended up in the back of the last corral, with all the drunk people. The stench - alcohol, weed, urine, etc. - was horrendous. The people were ***holes. I'm clearly getting old, because this is not fun for me. We hope to be out of town for this race in the future.


Before we even arrived at the start line


I believe the man in the serapa has no pants on


Pretty in pink


Some good liberal sense of humor!

After all this running and walking, I am looking forward to finishing my second season of TNT. I hope to complete my first full marathon on June 6th in SD, and I have 5 wonderful mentees completing events as well. 1 ran Avenue with me, 3 will be joining me in SD, and the remaining 1 will be competing in RNR Seattle. Here's my requisite plug: Consider joining Team in Training and supporting the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society. It has been a great experience for me; one that I'm sure I will return to over and over again. You don't have to be an athlete - or even in shape; they will get you there. For now, I'm thinking about leaving the road and heading for the water - Raise a Sail for a Cure. I'm also planning to train for my first triathlon in the fall.

My next goal in life: Figure out how to keep active while not letting my house get so dirty, my inbox so cluttered, and my credit card balances unpaid. (I incurred 13 cents interest - the first interest payment I have ever made on a credit card - and probably the death of my credit score...)

The Book of Secrets - M. G. Vassanji

I love a book that makes me think.

This is a book that I have been meaning to read for years, and I finally got around to it now. It won the first Giller Prize ever awarded in 1984, and as regular readers of my rambling posts know, I am generally a big fan of the Giller winners.

Plus it is mainly set in Tanzania, a country that I know fairly well.

What more could I ask for in a book?

The style of this book is very different, but I didn't realise this until I had almost finished it. It is a mish-mash of journal entries, first-person narrative, third-person narrative, letters, memos, book excerpts, footnotes. But they are all woven together so seamlessly that as I said, I didn't even think about the format until close to the end.

As I mentioned in an earlier post, I have found myself reading more memoirs in recent years, and I especially enjoy the ones that flow like a novel. I think that I can say that this is a novel that almost reads like a memoir. It is hard to believe that the events in this book didn't take place in real life!

The place came alive for me. I have spent a bit of time in Dar es Salaam, and it was fun to come across descriptions of places that I know (though in an era that I don't). I am interested to know what other people who have read this book but who haven't been to East Africa think of the descriptions - it is hard to read a book as an impartial observer!

It is a multi-threaded story where the threads don't come together until the very end. The story of an English colonist in East Africa; the story of an Indian school teacher arriving in Tanganyika (now Tanzania); the story of a family tragedy. I want to go back to the beginning now and re-read it with the knowledge of how all of the parts fit together.

So a great read through-and-through!

Does This Backfire?

I recently received a query for an author’s debut novel. The author was incredibly confident, envisioning the novel as a future bestseller and hit movie, but that’s not what bothered me. What I found unsettling was when she wrote, “I am sending this proposal to several literary agents and have set a deadline for your reply as at July 31, 2010. If you believe you’re the right agent, please contact me. I require a list of your published titles and the publishers you’ve worked with, as well as your expected fee (commission). I look forward to hearing from you and hope to create a great working partnership.”

Ultimately I rejected the query, partly because I didn’t feel I was right for it, but also in part because I was put off by the author’s demands. Information on my sales, including publishers, is really easy to find with just a little bit of research. Heck, if you found my name it’s likely you also found that information. Certainly she’s right to want to know that information, but am I the one that needs to supply it and, maybe, it was the way her request was phrased that didn’t sit right?

When I submit to publishers I don’t need to ask what pay range they are in, what kind of royalties they offer, or who else they publish. I’ve done my research and I know that already. When negotiations start I will definitely have more questions specific to the book I’m selling. At that point I will most definitely want to know their vision for the book, including advance, royalties, marketing, etc. But does it sit wrong to demand that before someone has even read the book?

I give the author credit for being so confident. Her query was well written (although could have been a lot stronger), but I worry that with many agents this approach might backfire, that she appears to demand a lot without bothering to understand the business first. Of course, I might be reading too much into it.

Jessica

An Oasis for Misfits

Quick! Name the best reason to go to a conference.

No, it's not so that you can slip that 1,000 page MS under the bathroom stall to your dream agent.

No, it's not so that you can go to the Harlequin party and dance for two seconds with the Nora Roberts just so you'll have the bragging rights.

No, it's not even so that maybe you can hang out in one of the bars until a punch-drunk-from-exhaustion editor says to heck with it, throws in the towel and decides to let it all hang out -- whereby you can wiggle your way in and maybe tuck your pages in her knapsack.

While all of those are highly entertaining to think about, it's not the reason that I would dearly love to be registered for the RWA conference, late of Nashville and now moved to Orlando.

It's the writers.

True, some writers let being away from the family and the friends go to their heads. They drink too much, they talk too loud, they let the proximity of known celebrity agents and editors tempt them into doing really awful things -- in general, this group of folks can and often do impersonate characters straight out of a Ray Stevens song. (Am I dating myself by alluding to Ray Stevens?)

But for the most part, we writers are just so thrilled to be there that we wouldn't dare act up.

There is something so powerful about being one in several hundred like-minded people. In our normal lives, we writers tend to be the oddball, misfit relative -- and I mean that in the nicest possible way, with no insult intended.

We are known for strange habits like mumbling to ourselves and writing plot points on our hands and walking away mid-conversation, shrieking, "Ah-ha! So that's why my heroine did it!"

Spouses don't understand the love/hate relationship we have with writing. They look at us as we bang our heads on the keyboard and shake their heads. "If it makes you that miserable," they'll say, "why do you do it?"

Yeah, well, ask them the same thing about their golf game, and they sort of get the picture.

Kith and kin don't always understand how our scribbling can take precedent over family reunions and even some holidays -- just try explaining NaNoWriMo to a non-writer. "But that's -- that's during Thanksgiving!" they'll sputter.

We can get dispirited. Discouraged. We think we're the only oddball misfit out there.

Then, once a year, the Lord sends down manna from heaven in the form of a literary conference -- pick your genre, there's sure to be a conference for it.

And suddenly all our eccentricities make sense.

We shove napkins at complete strangers as they scribble down the hook for their chapter three at the luncheon.

We completely, totally understand the need for a roomie's midnight run for chocolate. No questions asked, we get up and go with them.

We get as excited as pre-teens at a Jonas Brothers concert as we're standing in line for that big author to autograph our books -- or that hard-to-get agent pitch session.

We can talk in jargon-shorthand, and we don't have to explain the difference between an editor and an agent, and why you could fire the latter, but you can't the former.

For one brief shining weekend, we are the normal. The average. The run-of-the-mill. And if that doesn't charge you up for the rest of the year, then nothing will.

Who Are You?

I should quickly add that to view results you can go to Quibblo.
Quizzes by Quibblo.com

Salt To Taste

The Sister is a Good Cook. I invite myself to her house early and often, and The Husband even proposed, many years ago, that when we built our house, we should add on an apartment for her.

Yes. She is that good of a cook.

Me, now, I can fix a mean glass of iced tea. Beyond that, and the fried chicken no southern girl is allowed to grow up without knowing how to cook, well, cooking at my house is a big toss of the dice.

How is it, you may ask, that I am not a Good Cook, having grown up in a household with a mother who was a Good Cook and a sister who was a Good Cook, and a grandmother beside us who was a Good Cook?

Easy. With all those Good Cooks, I never had to be anything beyond a Good Scullery Maid. I can wash dishes. I can feed the scraps to the dog. I can set the table. And I so can entertain the Good Cooks.

That's what I did. I'd sit on a stool in the kitchen and tell stories, in between errands like, "Can you get me a bell pepper?" or "Stir that pot of beans," or "I need a plate."

The Poor Husband. He'd eaten The Sister's and Mama's cooking for three years before we married, and he thought that I would be a Good Cook, too.

The secret to being a Good Cook is in the seasoning. No matter what I do to my green beans, they never taste the same way that The Sister's beans do. No matter how tender my pot roast, it never has that rich, dark, melt-in-your mouth flavor that almost rivals chocolate.

The Kiddo is going to be a Good Cook, if she applies herself. She can taste something and tell you, even at age 8, EXACTLY what it needs. And she's right. No, she doesn't say, "Oh, this needs a teaspoon of salt," or "a little wine vinegar and it'll be perfect," but it's coming. Because already? She can taste something and say, "Mommy, that's too sweet," or "Mommy, I think it needs salt."

The skill of seasoning is mostly in-born, but it can be learned. Try-harder-cooks like me, we have to put eagle eyes on Good Cooks, make them slow down, pour that palmful of spices into a measuring spoon and write down the ratios religiously.

I thought of all this as I was reading Margo Berendsen's blog about beginning a novel. Margo was talking about whether to begin with dialogue or description or action -- a thought-provoking question for sure. I began to think about how I start my own novels off -- smack-dab in the middle of conflict, and then follow it with a small slice of backstory.

Then I started thinking about backstory, and how it is like seasoning a rich, bubbling stew. Too much, and it weighs the dish down. Too little, and someone is reaching for the salt shaker, saying, "Dunno if this will help, but something's missing."

My approach to backstory is to put in as little as possible to begin with -- and taste often. I use my CPs to do the tasting, and after that, my editor. If they stop or stumble, then I add more backstory.

It's one of those things that takes a deft hand, just like The Sister and her seasoning. Some rules of thumb I've learned from my editor and my CPs:

1) Trust The Reader: Often, the reader requires very little explanation, and will trust you to provide the details as the story unfolds.

2) A Little Dab Will Do Ya: Start with the absolute minimum when you're adding backstory, a portion of a sentence, a whole sentence, never more than a paragraph or so on a page, and never more than a few paragraphs to a chapter.

3) Begin At The Beginning: If you're finding yourself telling more backstory than you expected, maybe it's because you really want to tell the story of an earlier time in the character's life.

4) You Can Always Add More Later.

This last? Self-explanatory. If your editor or agent needs more than your minimalist approach, she'll let you know -- and she'll let you know exactly where it's needed.

Now if only editors and agents could help me with my cooking ...

Christian Preacher Walks Free

Common sense and the rule of law have prevailed after charges were dropped against a Christian preacher who said that homosexual conduct is sinful.

Dale Mcalpine, 42, was arrested and hauled before the courts after a homosexual police officer arrested him on 20 April 2010 for saying that homosexuality is going against the word of God. He was held in a cell for several hours before being charged with a public order offence.

Yesterday, 13 May 2010, charges against Mr Mcalpine were dropped by the Crown Prosecution Service (CPS) as preaching peacefully that homosexuality is a sin is not against the law. In response to the CPS’s decision, Mr Mcalpine said:

'It's good news. I'm relieved the police and the Crown Prosecution Service have finally seen sense. It was a ridiculous charge and I should never have been arrested in the first place. The whole thing was like fiction. It was surreal.

Unputdownable

I’m sleepy this morning. Have you ever noticed, though, that insomnia can make for a really grumpy kind of tired the next day, but the exhaustion from staying up all night to finish a great book is rather dreamlike?

Last night I started and finished Melissa Marr’s Wicked Lovely. The book totally hooked me from page one and I just had to read it in one sitting. It’s exhilarating to become so engrossed in a fictional world that you just can’t bring yourself to leave it until the last page is turned.

What’s the last book you read in one sitting? Are you sleep deprived because you’re doing this kind of thing five nights a week or can you count the number of times it’s happened in your lifetime on one hand?

Okay…I’m off to get some coffee now.

Kim

Someone To Watch Over You

Somewhere on the web this week, someone said, "An agent works for you. You're THEIR boss."

I can see, in this environment, where good agents have hundreds of queries coming in every week from wanna-be-best-selling authors, how such a statement could be liberating. Writers worry incessantly about landing their dream agents. They slave over query letters, and they polish their partials to as high a brilliance as they can muster. They practically stalk agents on blogs and Twitter and Facebook -- and then in person at conferences. They send out their queries with high hopes and and when they get nothing but rejections, some of that worry and hope blends into acid frustration.

And that's where statements like, "The agent works for YOU" come in.

Sure, technically, you make more money than the agent per deal, and technically, you could tell them where to put that high six-figure deal since lunch with Oprah wasn't included in the fine print. And technically, an agent can't sell anything you don't first produce.

Still, I'm reminded of that brokerage commercial, where the surgeon is giving instructions over the phone to the poor, hapless guy armed with a kitchen knife and a bottle of alcohol. Publishing is like that. You need expert advice. Unless you have a terrific working relationship with your editor (and sometimes EVEN if), D-I-Y representation is not the best option.

Saying that you're the boss of this operation might feel good, but it's like saying you're the boss of the criminal defense lawyer you've paid to get you off of a murder rap. You can bet if I'm ever unlucky enough to find myself in such a position (and I'll be completely innocent, I assure you), I'll not be telling my lawyer what I think he should be doing.

I can understand the frustration. Not only are there scam agents out there, ready to fleece you, but there are ineffectual, down-right sorry agents who aren't your best advocate. There are also agents who are great for some other author, but not you.

And then there are agents that are your match made in heaven. I know they exist, because my CP Tawna Fenske has a great one in Michelle Wolfson. And that's just one of the many happy agent-client relationships I've heard of over the years.

In such a dream match, they are your guides in this strange publishing world. They explain things to you, manage your expectations, submit when they're supposed to and to the editors they're supposed to, editors you may never have heard of, because they know the market and they know who's looking to buy what you might be offering.

They are your fierce protector. They'll go to bat for you when it comes to a crappy clause in a contract, a really gruesome cover on your book, or possibly an are-you-insane deadline.

Sometimes they become your friend. Not always. But sometimes.

But the good ones? Even if they're not your friends, they're your guardian angel.

And I wouldn't even attempt to boss a guardian angel. Here's hoping that all of you meet your very own guardian angel if you haven't yet, so you'll have someone to look over you.

Subtexts, "Hoops," and Industry Standards

I was reading through some disgruntled comments surrounding the formatting of queries (everything from font to phrasings, tag-lines to typos), called “Hoops” by many – even those that approve of them. It got me thinking (which rarely ends well)……..Are these “Hoops” actually a subtext?

If an agent comes across a submission which does not match the guidelines published on their websites, and although they make a decision solely on the story/voice, do the “Hoops” in themselves inform the agent about the author rather than the Novel. “Great book – but they rushed into submitting, so could be a headache to work with.”

In other words, if every query was exactly in-line with an agents specific guidelines would the agent be losing a valuable source of information?? Does the HandForeheadSlap queries make managing the slush that much easier? Obviously, you can’t create an Industry Standard because each agent has their preferences. But what if the Industry Standard was somehow personalised? Is this even a desirable scenario?

The reason I ask is because I’ve thought of a way in which an author is able to always obey guidelines, streamlining their submission process to agents, also finding the RIGHT agents, and tracking results to see what they are doing right, or wrong, with query letter revisions. However, if this simply removes a valuable tool for agents, why bother?

I have two thoughts on your question because it’s a very interesting one.

I think (one of the reasons) guidelines about queries evolved because authors asked for them. When agents attend writers’ conferences or blog, we get tons of questions from authors, and I think the most frequent questions are about how to get published. Back in the day of the typewriter, when authors had to snail-mail submissions, I remember attending a conference at which authors spent almost five minutes asking me the details of what type of envelope should be used to mail in submissions. And no, I’m not kidding. Now queries are the thing. It’s the rare agent who accepts unsolicited material, so your query is your first introduction and, naturally, it’s what authors stress most about.

Another thought. I think guidelines evolved because agents got tired of junk. In other words, we see hundreds of queries every single week. Heck, every single day, and believe it or not we get sick of hitting the rejection button. It really is true that we want writers to succeed, and giving formatting guidelines hopefully takes some of the mystery out of the query process and helps the author. It also streamlines the system for us. Let’s face it, I skim queries. I look for that blurb to hook me in and I go from there. If an author spends three paragraphs telling me her life story, all about her career, her three children, and her travels in Europe, only to finally get to the book and tell me nothing, she’s going to get rejected. I don’t have time to ask her for more information and start a back-and-forth. The one who has lost is the author, so by establishing guidelines I’m hopefully helping the author get her foot in the door and hopefully I’m not wasting my time by reading more queries that tell me nothing.

Unfortunately it’s not the formatting or the nit-picky stuff that’s usually the problem (which is why a form probably won’t help), it’s the blurb, it’s finding a way to excite an agent about your book. That’s what is going to make the query stand out for an agent and that’s what is going to grab the agent’s attention.

Jessica

A Trip Down Into The Revision Cave

Today, as you read this, I'm turning lobster pink at The Kiddo's Field Day. Yes, I forgot sun block. Yes, I also ('scuse me while I wallop this hawk-sized mosquito) forgot insect repellant. And no, I am not writing, even though I'm not at The Dayjob.

What I should be doing is spelunking into the bowels of The Revision Cave. I've stuck a pinky toe into that vast dark space, I've tightened the ropes and adjusted my lighted hardhat. Now all that's left is for me to get my nerve up, take a deep breath in, and then ... let go and drop.

I'm a great believer in revisions. The first guy who ever took a shine to me and to my writing told me, "Writing is rewriting," and he made me say it until I fell into a deep hynotic trance and actually began to believe it. (OK, I'm stretching it about the hynotic trance, but it's all for a good story.)

Revisions are never easy, mainly because, to do it right, you have to re-ENvision your MS. You have to look at it with the cold, uncharitable eye of the worst agent or editor you could ever query. You have to be willing to rip it to shreds and gut it like the trout that it is.

I am (just a touch) OCD about revisions, at least when I'm doing a total overhaul. Say, for instance, when I was transforming my women's fiction into a Superromance, and I sort of needed to get more romance into the novel. Gee, I wonder why?

I'd found a wonderfully slightly-OCD approach to revisions on a website by Beverly Brandt, an author who seems to love spreadsheets even more than me, if that's possible.

Her approach helps in that awful first step of revisions: before you can revise, you have to really see your novel, warts and all. And that's hard.

So that's what I've been doing with UP FROM ROCK BOTTOM. I wrote it for a series romance, but it's a little too gritty and too dark for category. I want to take advantage of that darkness and expand it into a single-title women's fiction.

First step is a scene-by-scene analysis, a la Beverly. It's easier than it looks, because you're mainly just skimming. But already I have found one glaring continuity problem that at least three people -- myself and two CPs -- overlooked.

No matter how many times I've done this, it's always scary to do it again. I mean, what happens if I take a good, hard look at my MS, and it's beyond salvation?

Still, It's only when you see what you've got that you see what you've not. And sometimes that's a good thing. Revision means playing up the strong parts and overhauling the weak ones until they're strong, too.

Besides, if I didn't do this, my CPs Tawna Fenske and Nelsa Roberto would call me a yellow-bellied coward, and Linda Grimes would never let me live it down.

Tired Storylines

Girl finds out she’s pregnant. She’s excited and a little scared. Either way she can’t wait to tell boy. He’s the love of her life and it’s a new step for them. It doesn’t matter if he’s a husband, boyfriend, or fiancé, they are together for good. Just as she’s about to tell him he makes some dumb comment about how he’s not ready for kids, or they can’t afford kids, or it’s not the right time for kids. Girl is sad. Can’t tell boy now. Eventually she tells him and it all works out beautifully.

It’s also done over and over a million times. In fact, in the past two months, I’ve seen this same storyline on two different television programs. It’s an easy conflict and obviously it works, but is it really the best conflict to be using?

Jessica

Being a Writer Spoils Everything

Well, almost everything.

The Kiddo is a passive sort of reader. I am ashamed to admit that. I am ashamed to admit that she prefers me reading to her than to go off in a corner and read by herself. I have to remind myself that she is only eight, and I try to recall, in the dim recesses of my mind, what I was reading on my own at 8.

It's hard for me to ever remember a time I wasn't a voracious reader. But I do have a clear recollection of the time reading became a fantabulous way to while away the hours.

When I was 9, I'd moved to a new and larger school that boasted a larger library than the one at my previous school. I was amazed because at this school, there was no imaginary line down the middle, and no librarian patrolling that line, saying, "You're too little for these books."

I was allowed to check out any book of my heart's desire at this new library. And when my eye fell upon a shelf of Nancy Drew mysteries, that was my heart's desire.

Carolyn Keene, a pseudonym, I know now, was the first author I glommed. I loved Nancy Drew. She was so smart and so with it, and I wanted a blue roadster like hers and strawberry blond hair like hers and to be able to have terrific adventures like she did.

I can credit Nancy Drew and Trixie Belden with a large part of my love for writing and reading. So naturally, I wanted to share that with The Kiddo. It was a proud day when we checked out The Kiddo's very first Nancy Drew mystery for our nightly reading time together.

Imagine my disappointment when I started reading THE SECRET OF THE OLD CLOCK and I encountered hopping heads and adverbitis and passive language.

I've hid it well (I hope) from The Kiddo. But as I'm reading, I find myself thinking, "I liked this? I really enjoyed this?"

Yes, I've moved on and grown more sophisticated. But there are some books that stand the test of time: the Beverly Cleary books, for instance, and even though they weren't around in my childhood, I'll fight you for a Junie B. Jones book.

The Kiddo has finally gotten into THE SECRET OF THE OLD CLOCK -- and I suspect that's more because the chapters are shorter and the writer started using cliffhanger chapterhooks. I make it a point to torture The Kiddo and not allow us to go beyond a chapter. Maybe, just maybe, she'll sneak around and start reading ahead on her own.

The Need to Fall in Love

Writers struggling to find an agent for their work often get frustrated by the response of many agents that they “just didn’t fall in love with it.”

Why do you need to fall in love? they ask. Just sell my book.

Why? Because in your perfect world wouldn’t you want a job you love? Doing only things you love?

Me too.

Jessica

My backside is too sore for writing

I knew you used your brain for writing, but I had no idea that your backside was equally important.

The Dayjob took me on a long road-trip on Monday, two hours plus, one-way, to scope out The Flint River Quarium and The Parks at Chehaw for an event we're planning later on in the year. On Saturday, The Kiddo and I'd gone to Savannah to enjoy a mother/daughter tea straight out of Jane Austen at The Isaiah Davenport House. That's another couple of hours on the road.

Needless to say, my backside is molded in the shape of a car seat. And all I can think about is getting up and getting some sort of feeling besides numbness going on in that region of my body.

But, even if I can't concentrate completely on my writing, I had great take-away from both of my trips.

For one thing, the tea has reawakened my love for Jane Austen. It's incredible to have a lady in a gorgeous velvet and brocade dress serve you tea. And gentlemen had to be very skilled to tie a cravat back in 1825. I shall have to go pull out all my Jane Austen books, even Mansfield Park, and reread them again.

The aquarium has also reminded me of how we need unexpected surprises and layers in our writing. The very interesting freshwater "blue hole" exhibit at the aquarium reveals nothing at first, just a picturesque view of a calm pond. But as you go deeper, level upon level, you find things you'd never dream of by just looking at that placid surface. There were really weird gar fish, and then huge bass that looked like they could gobble me up, and even more amazing sturgeon.

The last surprise was what we found when we worked our way up to the top level -- alligators, basking in the afternoon sun, and completely hidden from the front part of the exhibit.

I think that's how writing is supposed to be -- a twist that takes the expected into the realm of the unexpected and makes it fresh and new.

Hopefully I'll be reading and writing again very soon ... when I get over Writer's Butt!